trapped in the cells

just wasting time...until domination


sugar plum fairies give me heartburn. all three of them.
this is mah pimp hat
ask_janet
last night i was knocking back a few buckets of pimms before my nightly ritual of pissing on assk's desk and then vomiting in the hub pool and all of the sudden the sensors here went fucking apeshit.

if you have never seen apeshit, go to the zoo and throw a small kid in the lion pit. it's fucking hysterical. it's also a waste of a good kid.

anyway, what the shit is this?

if it's headed here, it better have fucking eggnog. made from real noggins.

children's noggins. mmm. creamy gray matter.

good deal, yes?
me happy
ask_janet
Good day,

I’m Mr. Brama Mahamadi an accountant with the bank of Africa Ouagadougou Burkina Faso. I’m currently in need of a silent foreign partner whom I can use as the next of kin to a deceased customer of the bank to transfer the sum of 18.000.000 us dollars (Eighteen million dollars) into his or her account for both of us . This money is presently in a domiciliary account in the bank of Africa here in Ouagadougou,Burkina Faso.

If you are interested write back to me so that I will send to you the details and how it will be possible to be executed. I promise that there will be no risk as it will pass through international banking laws and all the necessary information will be given to you as soon as I receive you acceptance letter.

I wait your urgent respond and contact me through this email address :
mahamadi_brama01@yahoo.fr

Mr. Brama Mahamadi


yes. await my letter.

Fic: (D)evolution (Janet, all of ask-verse)
me happy
ask_janet
Title: (D)evolution
Author: amand_r
Wordcount: 2,600
Characters: Janet, Jack, Ianto, Martha, Gwen, Owen, John Hart
Ratings: Rated R for language and violence
Author's Notes: This is Askverse fic.
Summary: Torchwood changes everything. Even Janet.

(no subject)
me happy
ask_janet
amand_r


Haahahhhahhha. I ain't got no pretty picture to put up. Click it. Click it good.

my fanfics
i bring the bling
ask_janet
a fanfics, by janet

i didn't make a header, lol. i won't get on the torchwood_three daily list. lol.
beta: gwen_e_cooper
WARNINGS FOR BITE ME.

my fanfics!Collapse )

oh yeah. this is all autobiographical, because i'm posting this from a net café. ha ha ha. SUCKERS.

i leave you with a poem about how i'm going to get hammered tonight:

i saw him across the pub.
he saw me & his breath quickened. then he-----squirrel--
bolted (oh yes)
the chase was on.

he got as far as the alley ------wet eyes like crunchy dew----
and i asked him for a breath mint
oh i only have binaca! take it all! don't hurt me!
as if.
i'm going to vegas.
to see elvis.


i tried to get the ee cummings feel, but the last volume i had was eaten by my roommate. there has to be a bookstore somewhere in cardiff. don't you welsh fuckers ever read?

laters, hopefully never again, bitches--

*~*janet~*~

ps-- okay. maybe i'll post more from an internet café. or cousin thomas has wi-fi in the sewer junction. back off. i'm addicted. and also, i'm a weevil. just back off.

check out my icon, assholes!
i bring the bling
ask_janet
ode to the newport key
by janet

the first time i used an external weapon
it was shiny and thumpy
shump shump shirrump
(that was andy's drunk arse dragging it down the plass)

too long and unwieldy, rather
unlike my elegant claws. they are sexy. you should all lick them.
i digress.

oh broken window!
that was a complete accident! but while i'm here, let me abscond with this mannikin
--i need a conversationalist. one who knows esperanto.

captain assk, why did the police come?
why did i have to fall into the invisible lift?
who left that fucking thing open?
(weevils wobble, but they don't fall down)
my mannikin is wet –sloppy hub seconds, now, he will never sing for me.
bang the cell, slowly.

for once, i'm glad to see my cell. it smells like bad crisps and parker posey.
again.

the start of jandyt
me happy
ask_janet
we started a band. it is an awesome band. i stole the bricks from the ceiling to make my keytaur (thanks, assk!).

JANDYT

andy says we're 'blaccurrent jammz improv rock jam beatnik indian' but that may have something to do with his whole…thing.

the lyrics to the first song in our set were in weevil, but they required a few frequencies that made someone's ears bleed, so i had to tone it down a little. :(

check out our sweet ziggy stardust costumes, bitches:



these are just preliminary. i call dibs on the yellow one. i'd wear blue, but it would make my ass look fat (this jumpsuit is bad enough).

all of this is made of win.

who's your daddy?
me shocked as fuck
ask_janet
Dear Janet—

Have you seen this? Wishful fanfics? Grain of truth?

Don't bite me,

I'm-glad-jack-ain't-my-babydaddy


Dear IGJAMB—

NO.

what part of "from another planet" in time and space is so hard to understand?

i feel traumatised. no wait. nauseated. no wait. hungry. it's confusing when you have so many digestive tracts.

okay, all right. let me explain how this works. weevil reproduction is a long involved process that requires a few chemicals not found on this planet, and some barry white, and sometimes there's a spaghetti dinner. but mostly the chemicals. if you see a pregnant weevil here on this planet, run. when my sister was pregnant, i almost lost a finger.

i guess it's fair to add that if you see a weevil on this planet period, you should run anyway. we like it. it's like foreplay, with the chemicals and the barry white and the spag…

wait a second.

no no.

that said, i would like nothing better than to have a kid someday. i hear that they're high in iron, and something about emotional fulfillment, and i wouldn't mind teaching little janetta or jan-to all about mauling things and moaning and bowing and scraping in front of the king of the weevils.

i miss fish face. he gave me flowers and hedgehogs.

my time in the cell.
me happy
ask_janet
highlights of my time in the cell:

1. human chicks getting it on next door. way to score, nice one!
2. that human chick who ate her own arms. that was hard core. on the other hand, i think she ate my sister, so bad eye, human chick. not on.
3. that dude who disintigrated. then every one passed out. but i remember. i remember it all.
4. the time fishface and i watched the little mermaid on the portable dvd player. then we played scrabble. he cheated. he always cheated.
5. scaring the shit out of that dude in the chair. come on, suitboy, we were a good team! more good cop bad cop in our future, yes? next time i'll have the spray and you can wear the chains.
6. when everyone got locked in with me and my buddies. i hoped that their time down here would make them reconsider, you know, keeping me locked up, but, um, no.
7. the cabbage patch kid incident.
8. operation goldenfuckingrod.

Writer's Block: Department of Burning Questions
me happy
ask_janet
In your opinion, what is the cutest animal baby?


raw. side of wasabi.

?

Log in